Clown (2014): Will Remind You of Why You Were Afraid of Clowns in the First Place

I hate clowns.


Apologies to all the clowns and clown sympathizers out there, but I am fairly convinced that clowns are spawns of evil put on this planet for the sole purpose of making me uncomfortable. Obviously the people behind the new horror movie Clown, are no fans either.

Produced by Eli Roth (which should be a clear indicator of the level of gore one can expect) and directed by newcomer Jon Watts, Clown is not for the feint of heart…or for people with small children for that matter. There are very few punches being pulled in this gruesome flick and unless you can stomach the site of disembodied child parts being flung across the room, this is not a movie you should be watching.

But, if your curiosity is as terminal as mine, you’ll likely be watching this anyway, so for those with stronger stomachs, here’s a break down.


Realtor and family man Kent (Andy Powers) finds an old clown costume in the basement of one his listed properties and, in order to prevent his son from being disappointed on his birthday, he puts the damn thing on, only to later discover that he can no longer remove it. His search for an explanation leads him to Peter Stormare (love this guy), a rare costume vendor who tells Kent that what he is trapped in is no costume, no, instead he is stuck in the skin and hair of a demon. An ancient Icelandic demon called a Cloyne that bleeds rainbow blood and eats children.

Dum dum duuuuuummmmm



Alrighty, I’ll admit, that part was pretty fucking cheesy, but the follow through, shit there is nothing cheesy about any of it.

The demon emerges, bit by bit, out of the mild mannered realtor and before you know it, he’s looking like he came out of my worst nightmares and furiously munching on unsuspecting kiddies. Meanwhile Kent’s wife Meg (Laura Allen) puts on her best confused face and keeps insisting that she will find a way to help her husband, up to and including  bringing him a child to devour…

Seriously…what the fuck is that crazy crap and why the fuck does it keep happening in horror films?

“Ohhh my husband has transformed into an inhuman creature and has bitten the heads off of all the children in the village…BUT he’s still my darling husband so I must do what is right and save him…by killing more children.”

Fuck that noise!


Only an idiot would stand by her man up to that point…yeah I said it and I’ll say it again, you’d have to be a total tool to be that blindly devoted to anyone. And yet, blind and brainless devotion seems to be standard horror wife behavior, and Meg is no exception. It is genuinely horrifying to watch this woman calmly drive a child to her doom in order to save her own child from the same fate. Does that child get eaten, you ask? You’ll have to watch and find out.

What I will admit is there that are some very disturbing moments involving children here and some genuinely scary moments that will make you jump in your seat. And yeah, at first the concept of a clown suit you can’t take off seems silly as hell and there are some scenes that will make you  giggle, but the storyline unfolds quickly and before long, you’re watching a little boy slowly descend a stairway to his possible death with a very real fear crawling up your spine.


So that’s fantastic! I love being scared, and clowns being the evil things that they are, are frikin scary to begin with, but add the whole eating kids and being a demon thing, and that is a recipe for awesome…still I kinda wish there was more screen time for the fully transformed creature…also it would have been hilarious if the demon had polka-dot skin and farted demon balloons or something crazy like that. Clown takes itself too seriously for anything that ludicrous. That and a less than solid script definitely weaken the whole, but not enough to make Clown anything  less than an entertaining watch. I’ll repeat that this is definitely not a flick for everyone, or even for every horror fan, and it isn’t likely to win any awards, but despite flaws and disturbing subject matter, Clown is a fun and original movie that is well worth the price of admission.

Have you seen this flick horror fans? Do let me know what you thought of it, and remember to give a girl some love and click that Like button…if you feel like it.

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