Leprechaun: Origins (2014)…An Unnecessary Reboot That Really Has No Business Existing!

I love horror movies. Good, bad, old or new, most horror movies are just so fucking fun to sit through. They can be scary or funny or sometimes so cheesy bad they’re brilliant; at the very least most horror films have some redeeming qualities that make them enjoyable. As such, I’ve had a blast watching some really terrible movies because they were unintentionally hilarious or just intense fun.

This piece of crap is none of those things.

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Leprechaun: Origins, is a terrible fucking movie; in fact, it may be THE MOST terrible fucking movie of the year…and this hasn’t been a great year for horror in general, so that’s really saying something.

Directed by newcomer Zach Lipovsky, this reboot is shot in Vancouver (which incidentally looks nothing like Ireland) and stars a fairly attractive cast of relative unknowns, all of which fall into stereotypical horror categories. Here we have the innocent girl, the detached/cold boyfriend and the over-sexed couple who are inexplicably along for the ride…yawn. These kids do what they can with the script (which is so shitty, I have no doubt it was written on a roll of Cottonelle) but the movie remains unbearably sucktastic (and not in a good way). Also, the locals, despite saying “tink” and “boyo”, are about as Irish as my butt, and that’s not Irish at all. Bah, F for effort!

So, let me break it down for you. College kids visit Ireland looking to see some historical landmarks, which leads them to a small village which is plagued by a deadly creature who blah blah blah blah blaaaaaaaah. So, the villagers trick the kids into staying at a creepy old cabin for some stupid reason, wherein they intend to sacrifice them to the Leprechaun (cue scary music).

Wasn’t that already done on Supernatural, only with a scarecrow? I think so, or maybe I imagined it…either way, this movie sucks.

Now, as the kids are snugly trapped in their cozy death house, we finally get to see the rebooted Leprechaun aaaaannnnnnddddd…what the fresh hell is that thing?

leprechaun-origins_reveal-image-cleanAll right, let’s get something straight, according to Irish folklore (oh yeah I’m getting technical here) a Leprechaun was a mischievous sprite/fairy that appears as a wizened and bearded old man wearing a green or red overcoat and occasionally a pair of snazzy buckled shoes.

In Leprechaun: Origins. the creature bears no resemblance to what it’s supposed to be, rather the Leprechaun (portrayed by pro-wrestler Dylan ‘Hornswoggle’ Postl in a non-speaking, non-acting, all growling role) has neither clothes nor beard, in fact, he doesn’t have any resemblance to a “man”. The creature in question actually looks like what I imagine you would get if you spliced a goblin with a hairless ape and a big stinky lizard…uhhh, no, this shit just ain’t right.

So the fucking thing shows up and everyone starts screaming and running and crying and bleeding, and still I can’t seem to give a shit. Probably cause we barely see the creature (although his POV is like the Predators…?), and when we do, despite being hideous as all hell, it kinda looks like you can down it with a good, hard kick to the face…which incidentally no one thinks to even try.

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Anyway, the plucky kids manage to get away after the initial attack and find shelter in a nearby abandoned home, which is conveniently equipped with Leprechaun repellent lights (ummm okay) and also happens to house an ancient tome in the basement that describes exactly what they’re up against (natch).

Tuatha de danann says the book; the pretty brunette, who is supposedly a student of Irish history, furrows her brow in disbelief. When her attractive friends ask what that means, she confidently says “Leprechaun”…umm, no!

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Any fool with Wikipedia can check to see that Tuatha de danann does not mean Leprechaun, it means People of the Goddess Danu, a race of gods and one of the great ancient tribes of Ireland. Leprechauns are often associated with the Tuatha, and perhaps the writer/filmmaker/whoever was just trying to add some authenticity to the script, but seriously dude, Wikipedia…it’s fucking free. So that’s annoying, but it’s not like this flick was gonna be any better if they’d gotten their facts straight. It does however show an inherent laziness that pervades the entire script.

Some other stuff happens after that, but nothing that can even remotely be called scary or even interesting, at this point it was a real effort to not start playing with my phone…I lost that battle real quick.

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I don’t really understand what the motivation behind this utterly forgettable reboot was, I mean, was anyone out there really wishing for a Leprechaun re-imagining? Cause I’m pretty sure the human race would have been peachy keen with only the campy Warwick Davis series, which now seem so much better for having experienced this farce.

Now it’s possible that it was meant to profit from Postl’s wrestling fame or perhaps to showcase his talents. As I understand it, at one time Hornswoggle wore a leprechaun costume for WWE, so I guess there is some twisted reasoning here. But if that is the case, then I wonder why the filmmakers chose to have the wrestler turned actor be completely unrecognizable in head to toe latex. Like everything else about the film, it makes very little sense.

I suppose it would be redundant at this point to say that I really didn’t like this movie, but in my defense, there really wasn’t all that much to like. The script was badly written, the dialog cringe-worthy at times, and the plot and execution are lazy at best and stuffed to the gills with stereotypical characters and happenings, not to mention some very liberal “borrowing” from superior films.

I would bet money (like a dollar) that whoever was behind this project is not even a horror fan, because this isn’t really a horror movie, it’s more of a parody, and like any parody Leprechaun: Origins is just a cheap imitation of the real thing.

LEPRECHAUN-001So do yourselves a favor kiddies, skip this mess and take in the original instead (cause at least that Leprechaun has the snazzy buckled shoes).

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