Lord of Tears (2013)…Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Owlman? Ummm…I am!

Fuck YES!

Now THIS is a fucking horror movie!

Unexpectedly nerve-racking, strangely beautiful and chillingly atmospheric, The Lord of Tears is an utterly brilliant cinematic horror experience that may not be for every horror fan, but in my book should absolutely be required viewing.

Okay, lemme admit that when I first saw the poster featuring the infamous “Owlman” my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I sneered and did my whole smartass “this is gonna suuuuuck” routine. You know, I’m not often wrong in my assumptions (regarding movies) but when I am wrong my wrongness is of epic proportions.

But come on, the villain is a guy in an owl suit, how fucking scary can that be?

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Well, really fucking scary actually. That fucking Owlman is creepy as hell and his voice (provided by veteran actor David Schofield) is like honeyed evil coated in the blood of innocents (a bit much?…still, it’s accurate). I’m actually re-watching this movie right now…alone in my living room…in the middle of the night…as much as it pains (and kinda embarrasses) me to admit it, I’m a little uncomfortable right now.

How fucking awesome is that?

Now like most great stories, The Lord of Tears is simple enough…deceptively simple actually. James (Euan Douglas) a middle aged teacher, inherits a Scottish manor house after the passing of his mother, and along with it a letter warning him never to go there (would it not have made more sense just to NOT will the house to him?) A the same time, James begins to have strange dreams about the manor and a dark, shadowy Owl creature lurking within (this is so much more frightening than it sounds right now). Of course the dreams and creepy posthumous warning are ignored and James makes his way to the Highlands to have a poke around the ol’ homestead and see what he can discover about the mysterious manor.

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The great house is a character in itself, dark and foreboding it sits clouded in highland mist and is about as unwelcoming as a house can be without being pitch black and draped in cobwebs (although in my opinion, that would have been way more appealing than this wicked place), and although beautifully appointed, there is a cold emptiness cloaking every room James enters and a feeling of evil so thick it practically coats your tongue as you watch. Considering that this movie is completely devoid of special effects and relies solely on performances, lighting, location and perfectly crafted scenes to invoke the heavy, suffocating dread that grows steadily as  the film progresses, one can’t help by be in awe of director Lawrie Brewster and his ability to create real fear from almost nothing.

Well, maybe “nothing” is going a little far. In addition to the setting (which does half the job), Brewster brought together an incredible cast of unknowns who’s performances are so pitch perfect and natural, one would be hard-pressed to find fault with any of them. Besides Douglas, for whom the Lord of Tears is his first and only starring role, the casting of lovely young actress Lexy Hulme was absolutely inspired. Hulme plays Evie, a vibrant young American who moves like a dancer and looks like a 50’s pin-up/wet dream, and who for some reason (which will remain a mystery for most of the film) is residing alone in the guest house. Evie’s free spirited, almost whimsical nature differs greatly from James’ stiff, buttoned down demeanor, but the two play off of each other so beautifully that their every interaction is utterly flawless.

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And then there’s the fucking Owlman…

Fuck you, you scary fucking owl-faced douche. I hate you, please die.

Not my most mature reaction I’ll admit, but fuck maturity.

As I mentioned, David Schofield voices this feathery evil and is so purely chilling in the role that every time the fucking Owlman appears on screen I find myself scowling in childish anger and tell myself this is not fucking scary at all.

dsI hate you David Schofield…but in a good way.

 

 

 

 

I know it doesn’t seem like it, bu he’s scary as hell, watch and you’ll see….and he isn’t the only one.

One of the characters goes through a drastic change near the end of the film (no I won’t tell you who), but I will say that the “crawling out from under the bed” scene scared the unholy bejeezus outta me…and in spite of what I may seem like right now, I do not normally scare easy…but it is SO exciting when I find a movie that can scare me, I would do my fangirl happy dance if I wasn’t still watching the movie.

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And what a frikin movie, I can honestly say that this is without a doubt one of the very best horror films I’ve ever seen and I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone looking for a scary good time.

Having said that, I fully acknowledge that not everyone will like The Lord of Tears. There are no explosions, blood doesn’t gush from every wound like a fountain and the monster doesn’t fly or vomit bugs on anyone. The story is character driven, and unfolds slowly with calculated restraint…some people may even find this movie boring…as wrong as I think that is, everyone is entitled to their opinion (even if I think it’s the wrong opinion).

Regardless, for those who are looking for a perfect, well-crafted old school horror film that is sure to frighten, look no further, because The Lord of Tears and the dreaded Owlman are ready to deliver the scares…and just for fun, have a look at a few Owlman pranks perpetrated by the filmmakers. Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Owlman…as it turns out, lots of people.

Lemme know what you thought of the movie horror fans, and as always be a bloody peach and click that Like Button 😉

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