Let’s take a quick walk down memory lane kiddies, back to the care-free and innocent days of the late 1980’s, when I was just a wee Horror Chicklet. A soon to be beloved childhood classic hits the shelves of the local video store (google it if you’re confused about the term) and lil ol’ me begs my half-sister to make me a copy of this awesome new flick, a copy which I watch on repeat for the next few months; basking in its awesomeness, so to speak.
That movie, of course, was The Monster Squad, and the reason I bring it up, is because of a particular conversation in the movie about whether or not Wolfman had a “wolf dork” and “nards”…for those young’ens out there, that would be penis and testicles, respectively.
What the fuck does this have to do with Wolfcop, you ask? I’m getting to it.
Wolfcop, unlike every other werewolf movie I’ve ever seen (ever), answers that very question, and the answer is, YES wolfmen do have penises…big hairy penises which kind of violently burst out of the guy’s regular penis like a fur covered crotch version of Alien.
Did I mention that this moment is bloody hilarious? Well it is…and bloody, really really bloody…mind you I’m getting ahead of myself with all the exploding dick talk, allow me to dial it back a moment and give you all a breakdown of this cheese-fest.
When we first meet our protagonist Deputy Lou Garou (werewolf in French…yawn), he’s a boozing, puking, underachieving small town cop who is about as useful to his peers as…well, as a big drunk, ass-dragging dumbass. Lou spends his days in a haze of liquor so thick that it’s no surprise when one dark and spooky night he stumbles into a trap where an unknown assailant easily gets the better of him and he ends up tied to an altar and carved up like a ham. He survives however and the very next morning wakes a super human werewolf with a monster appetite for booze and donuts. Suffice to say this particular means of transformation was a little unusual. but to be quite honest, after a seemingly endless stream of repetitive, nearly identical horror storylines, I’m willing to accept a magic werewolf scenario and give it an A for originality.
So Lou has been magically made a lycanthrope (who’s strength comes from alcohol…yeah, like that dumb drunken Jackie Chan flick only with penises and werewolves) and now there are sinister forces out to use him for their own…well you get the point. Original idea or not, most horror films tend to follow a pattern. Wolfcop is no exception and it isn’t exactly a work of staggering genius, but the actors are decent and play it straight, and if nothing else this movie is pretty damn entertaining for a low budget flick, and much like Ginger Snaps, Cannibal Girls and Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night Too (to name a few), Wolfcop has a distinctly campy Canadian feel to it, which I’ve always found enjoyable.
Clocking in at just under 80 minutes, Wolfcop does feel rushed at times and (unlike many a movie…horror or otherwise) it could definitely have benefited from more time to perhaps flesh out some characters (Jonathan Cherry’s Willie deserved way more screen time…wow, I just realized how perverted that sentence might sound…running with it anyway) or add some much needed backstory which, as it stands, is only just hinted at. There is a sequel in the works so maybe some of those blank spots will be filled in eventually, until then, have a look at the trailer and see if anything piques your interests.
Wolfcop is directed by Lowell Dean (13 Eerie) and stars Leo Fafard (an actor I’ve never seen before but who isn’t half bad in the lead role) an is currently streaming on Netflix. Do let me know what you thought of this movie horror fans, and as always don’t forget to click that Like button or the kitty gets it…uh, scratch that last part.